Randy Jensen, the first gay sheriff in New Mexico.

Watch Your Back For This Firm New Hand Of The Law

APACHE PASS, NM-- New Mexico took a bold step into the twenty-first century when Apache Pass mayor Douglas Reynolds appointed the town's first openly homosexual sheriff, Randy Jensen.

Jensen, 24, will be immediately assuming the position...that former sheriff Fearless Freddy Fontaine left vacant. Fontaine left Apache Pass to work as a sheriff's instructor in Rat Poison, Nevada.

"I'm flattered and honored at being named the new sheriff of Apache Pass," Jensen said beamingly. "I'm really looking forward to its challenges, rewards, and the opportunity to redecorate the inside of the jail."

Jensen was chosen ahead of four other men of varying persuasions.

Jensen plans to take a hard-line stance against crime, and will be firm when he needs to be.

"I think that people will learn that I am not the kind of guy to be jerked around," said Jensen. "I prefer to handle things in a courteous, head-on approach, but I think that the people who know me will tell you that I can also play rough if I have to."

Mayor Reynold's wife, Sandra, is delighted at the new appointment. She hasn't seen her husband this happy since they hired their young Spanish housekeeper, Miguel.

"Douglas is really pleased with Randy," said Sandra. "The two of them have been spending a lot of time together, and Randy is all Douglas ever talks about."