This naturalist shopper checks out some super deals at a local strip mall.

Where Everything Is More Than Half-Off

AT THE MALL --The downtown core, suffering from economic apathy, has decided to try something nude to help bring back the shoppers, and has converted the previously dressed-up retail center into a strip mall.

Although they have been around since the 1940s, many strip malls struggled to survive as shoppers avoided them for glitzier indoor malls. During that time, a fair number of businesses lost their shirts when anti-nudity laws made it even harder to compete.

But times have changed, as have the attitudes.

The resurgence of the strip mall can be traced to the seaside town of West Vancouver where the venerable Sin City Mall started shedding its stodgy image in an effort to bolster traffic.

"We were looking for business wisdom that would help us streak towards the finish line," said Linda Hambleton, the attractive spokesperson for the mall. "By stripping down to the bare essentials, we found our enterprise became a firm, robust and attractive alternative to the clinical, over-dressed atmosphere of the Big City mall down the street."

"We call it naturalist shopping," said Linda modestly, continuing the interview au natural.

Retailers love the concept too. They find it easier for sales people to "size-up" their customers, and shoplifting has decreased by up to 60%. And that's a good thing, since, for privacy concerns, many malls have no security cameras as it was too much work pixelating the private parts.

"I love going shopping when everything is half-off," said one shopper, wearing nothing but a designer shopping bag and a smile.

A few people have complained that strip malls are raunchy, and filled with people only interested in exploitation. "But that could be said about any mall," said mall manager Francis Carroll, who was totally up front about nudity, and totally nude up front. "People should expose themselves to new retailing concepts. How often do you hear 'no shirts, no shoes, no pants...no problem'?"

"I've also heard one or two complaints about the air conditioning... and thongs. Some things are better left covered up," continued Francis with a wink.

"But we've got nothing to hide," bared Linda. "We'll cheekily admit that nude shopping isn't completely accepted yet in the community. Not everyone can bare it."

Are the retailers nude as well?