MIDDLE EARTH -- When you're traveling from Rohan to Gondor, you might find these little thoughts handey:

"If you ever drop your One Ring into a river of molten lava, just let it go, because man, it's gone."

"When you're killing orcs, it's always better to keep score, because I think they have a trophy for Most Orcs Killed. There might also be a second place award, but it's probably something silly like an orc keychain."

"If you saw two guys in Edoras named Elandiel Goldenbow and Bob, which one would you think is the Elve? I'd say Goldenbow wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Bob."

"If an old wizard knocks on your door with the intention of entrusting you with an important quest, answer in a high-pitched voice and say 'sorry, I'm taking a nap.' "

"If a tree falls in the Fangorn Forest, does it make a sound? And is that sound a swear word? "