THOMAS CRAPPER

What were your parents thinking when picked out this costume for you? They did pick it didn't they?

Well, if you're used to being shit on, I guess Potty Pete is the perfect costume for you. Yes, the girls are really going to love you at the Hallowe'en party...because they won't have to wait in line for the bathroom.

Every time you sit down, someone's going to try to piss down the front of you. And look, you've got an extra roll of "TP" to help people with their paperwork.

Yes sir, you will be the Porcelain King! And your drunken subjects will be kneeling before you and your throne. Congratulations, Toilet Man.

TOOTSIE ROLL BOY

Mmm...mmm. How many licks does it take to get to the inside of a Tootsie Roll? Well, that's what the neighborhood pedophiles will be thinking when they see you traipsying around the neighborhood in your gooey costume.

Congratulations. You're dressed up as the chewy candy that looks like poop.

But on the plus side, you could shit yourself, and you'd only be adding to the value of the costume.

WOOPIE CUSHION

Hey! Here's an idea! This year, let's dress up as a novelty device that sounds like a fart!

Yes, Mr. Jokester, you'll have a real gas with this one! Oh boy oh boy, I hope you've practiced making embarrassing sounds, because yes, you be tooting all night!

And joy , will you be the life of the party Fartypants, when all everyone want to do is jam you under the sofa cushions and sit on you!

CHARM'S CANDY

I guess when you picked out this candy costume, they must've been out of Tootsie Rolls.

Are you the only person not to notice that on the front of your costume it says "Blow Pop"? I'm sure dad will get a hoot out of that.

While some might get you confused with a loaf of Wonderbread, you can still tell everyone else that you underneath your wrapper is sweet candy.

MUSTARD BOTTLE

"Well Bobby, what would you like to be this year? Spiderman? A Transformer? A fireman? No, you want to go as a mustard bottle?"

Yes, this year, your son has asked to be a condiment. Ooh, don't you just want to squeeze him?!

Oh a positive note, your bright yellow casing will be difficult to miss on the dark streets of your neighborhood.

This could've been a good choice if the nozzle was placed somewhere else.

PIZZA SLICE

When you told your parents you wanted to go as "Krusty", you should've said "the clown". But no, they've got you all dressed up as a Domino's Delight.

No, you will not find a cheesier costume than this pride of Pizza Hut.

"Olive" the other kids will be dressing up this year as ghosts, witches, monsters, and Disney characters, your kid will be out there, showing off his pepperoni to all his friends...if he has any. But be careful. This costume could send the wrong message to neighborhood dogs, and hungry football-watching dads.

CAR FRESHENER

This costume is so real, you'll want to hang your kid from your rearview mirror.

When Hallowe'en is over, you can convert this costume into a Christmas tree.

At least if your kids poops his pants, you'll still have the refreshing scent of pine.

WONDER WOMAN PET COSTUME

It's embarrassing enough for your animal when you force him to wear that wool knit sweater. But no, you had to take it to the next level, and dress up your pooch as a lasso-handling superhero.

I'm sure your pet is thrilled to be part of the Justice League. You can just see the pride in his (or her) eyes. You just better hope that some neighbour didn't dress up her kitty as the Cat Woman, or you're going be in for a huge fight.

FREDDIE FROM SCOOBY DOO

I would be too embarrassed to get out of the Mystery Machine.

This costume is a little confusing as it looks more like the Children Of The Damned meet Office Space.

If you tried to make me dress me up as Freddie, I would kick your ascot.

Biting Satire is humor and parody with teeth! Please understand that this satire article is fictitious, and only intended for entertainment purposes. Copyright Biting Satire (this year).