LOCH LORIEL, SCOTLAND-- If you happen to be on the streets of New York and you see a wild-eyed Scotsman charging towards you with an 8-foot broadsword, you had better run, because he's probably not interested in discussing the political climate, or the outcome of the latest Rangers game. More likely, he's out for your head, because as an immortal, you stand a higher risk of decapitation than your mortal human brothers.

Who wants to live forever? I do!

No, it doesn't make a lot of sense that as someone who cannot die (unless your head accidentally gets separated from your neck), you fear more for your life than your puny mortal cousins.

But as it was taught to you by your ostentatious mentor some five or six hundred years ago, you are required by some code to roam the Earth searching for your brethren, so that you can eliminate them and win the so-called "prize."

I don't know what could be a better prize than immortality. But you'd think that someone who could live forever would be living a more care-free existence, using his knowledge, wisdom, and experience to gain worldly wealth and power.

But instead of basking in your extended earthly existence, you're skulking around New York City alleys, waiting for an opportunity to behead one of your buddies with a kaitana.

BRIDAL FALLS--For infants looking for that extra thrill outside of the crib, there's nothing like the adrenaline rush of baby bungeeing. The exhilarating new elastic activity has infants shrilling with delight.

This little fella takes his first bungee trip while his parents proudly watch.

Baby bungeeing is one of many new extreme toddler sports, along with baby bear-wrestling, baby scuba-diving, and downhill mountain-trike racing. In baby bungeeing, tots are strapped into modified car seats and then tossed from the top of a special platform. The usual bungee plunge is around 75 meters (250 ft.) before a cable made up of thousands of elastic bands springs the baby back vertically, sometimes only inches (centimeters) before impact with the water (or inflated air-cushion) below. Children who love the sensation of bungeeing at home get a real surprise when they're thrown off the side of a bridge.

"My little bouncing baby Barry bungeed when he was 4 months old," said Karen Magnerson, loving mother. "He screamed out in excitement the entire way down, and was filled with tears of joy when we pulled him up."

Bungee companies are springing up everywhere.

ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN--Rock star Ted Nugent, the wild-maned Motor City Madman, has traded in his guitar for a rifle, and launched a philanthropic venture that he hopes will ease world hunger.

A Nigerian woman demonstrates how to hold a Remington rifle as part of Ted Nugent's (inset) "Let's Arm The Children" campaign.

Nugent, long a proponent of gun-owners' rights and self-reliance, has created "Let's Arm the Children," an international organization that will put guns in the hands of orphans of war-torn and famine-ravaged sub-Saharan African nations. The children will then be instructed in the proper use of firearms for hunting.

"Let me make this clear," Nugent said from his suburban Detroit compound. "This program will teach these kids to hunt their own food, not to fight for the local warlord."

LONDON, ENGLAND-- In a press conference yesterday, the superannuated mastodons of rock ‘n’ roll, The Rolling Stones, announced plans to continue performing concerts around the world regardless of age, infirmity, or even death.

Souvenir shrouds, like this one of Keith Richards, will be available when The Rolling Stones tour after they're dead.

In a plan unveiled before stunned press reporters, each member of The Rolling Stones will, upon death, undergo a highly specialized embalming procedure similar to that used on stuffed game trophies.

Their bodies will be placed in unique, yet timeless rock star poses and then vacuum sealed inside space-age, indestructible sarcophagi. Once safely preserved inside their “Tour Tombs” The Rolling Stones will be set to "rock" in perpetuity.

Mick Jagger, lead singer of the legendary group, believes that The Rolling Stones will actually be able to play more concerts dead than they could alive.