BEVERLY HILLS, CA-- Protest groups in front of a breast reduction clinic have been swelling in size in recent weeks. Hundreds of men who are "pro-breast" have been lining up with signs and banners decrying the elective surgery. They are challenging the recent court decision allowing a woman the right to choose to reduce the size of her breasts.

Boob-loving chauvinists protest outside the breast reduction clinic.

"I don't agree. This is an affront to Nature and to God," said one bearded man. "God intended the female breast to be large and fruitful. He never meant these bountiful fruits to be tampered with. Every time a woman desecrates her body in such a manner, men around the world cry out."

"Have these doctors no shame?" he asked, "This has got to be a sin. Can't someone look it up?"

AT THE LIBRARY -- Brian Raymond had been warned before. He knew that he and "his kind" were not welcome in that section of the library. But cutting through the Science Fiction section in the middle aisle was the quickest and easiest route through to the lower mezzanine and on to the Fantasy Fiction area of the public library.

A science fiction nerd guards the sci-fi section of the library against unwanted fantasy fiction nerds.

Passing by the Self Help section, Brian paused. He looked both ways. The aisle was empty. Brian quickly crossed over to the periodicals and onward towards the Gardening section before he realized that someone was shadowing him on the other side of the book stacks.

Brian quickened his pace. He wished he had an invisibility ring or a shield of dragon scales to protect him from the inevitable confrontation with the science fiction nerd he knew was following him.

AROUND TOWN-- Sheldon Whittneir lives in a modern society. He believes he has good values, he has a healthy respect for women, and he is courteous towards the elderly and the infirmed. Overall, Sheldon is a good guy.

Sheldon Whittneir seen at a local nightclub with Tessa Wright (left) and Bobbi Levington.

But last week when he brought his friend Tessa Wright over to meet his parents, his mother reacted with shock and disdain.

"I don't want my Sheldon dating no coloured girls," exclaimed Edith Whittneir, 58. "There are enough blondes, brunettes, and redheads in the city for him to associate with."

Sheldon was completely embarrassed by his mother's reaction.

Studies were done that showed evidence that monkeys responded to certain erotic stimuli, and that if a monkey had money, he would spend it on porn.

I guess the old adage holds true: "If you peel a banana for a monkey, he will eat for a day. But if you teach a monkey how to surf the Internet, he will find his own peelers."