May
11
2008
Today
EntertainmentGirls Gone Wild Commercials Drive You Mad

article thumbnailCensored Boobies Cause A Rise…In Anger Levels You watch a short clip of a tipsy young blonde dancing and smiling and flirting with the camera. She lifts up her top and shit!--...
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Adult HumorThe Thing About Ben Grimm's Penis

article thumbnailIs The Thing Always Rock Hard? Like many kids of my generation, I grew up reading Marvel comics, and the adventures of Spiderman, Captain America, and the X-Men. But for me, the Fantastic Four was...
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Weeding Out A Relationship Takes More Than Just Blowing Smoke
Society

AT HOME-- Stephen Reiter had never been that close with his father, but he knows he's no dope. Benjamin (Ben) Reiter was always away on business trips when Stephen was growing up, missing ball games, concert recitals, and cub scout events. Stephen and his dad grew further apart each passing year, until they were like strangers living in the same house. They would exchange banal pleasantries but feel a vague discomfort when the other was in the room. Christmas and birthday gifts were generic and without much thought: gift certificates, razors, an occasional best-selling novel.

Marijuana dope smoking pot weed
Stephen Reiter and his father Ben find that they have at least one thing in common.

It seemed unlikely that with all the distance and awkward silence between them there was any chance of forming a bond. It was almost by accident that the two Reiter men discovered that they shared at least one 'token' interest.


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Men Protest Outside Breast Reduction Clinic
Society

BEVERLY HILLS, CA-- Protest groups in front of a breast reduction clinic have been swelling in size in recent weeks. Hundreds of men who are "pro-breast" have been lining up with signs and banners decrying the elective surgery. They are challenging the recent court decision allowing a woman the right to choose to reduce the size of her breasts.

Breast Reduction clinic
Boob-loving chauvinists protest outside the breast reduction clinic.

"I don't agree. This is an affront to Nature and to God," said one bearded man. "God intended the female breast to be large and fruitful. He never meant these bountiful fruits to be tampered with. Every time a woman desecrates her body in such a manner, men around the world cry out."

"Have these doctors no shame?" he asked, "This has got to be a sin. Can't someone look it up?"

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Science Fiction And Fantasy Don't Mix
Society

AT THE LIBRARY -- Brian Raymond had been warned before. He knew that he and "his kind" were not welcome in that section of the library. But cutting through the Science Fiction section in the middle aisle was the quickest and easiest route through to the lower mezzanine and on to the Fantasy Fiction area of the public library.

science fiction fantasy
A science fiction nerd guards the sci-fi section of the library against unwanted fantasy fiction nerds.

Passing by the Self Help section, Brian paused. He looked both ways. The aisle was empty. Brian quickly crossed over to the periodicals and onward towards the Gardening section before he realized that someone was shadowing him on the other side of the book stacks.

Brian quickened his pace. He wished he had an invisibility ring or a shield of dragon scales to protect him from the inevitable confrontation with the science fiction nerd he knew was following him.


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Mother Disapproves Of Son Dating Colored Girls
Society

AROUND TOWN-- Sheldon Whittneir lives in a modern society. He believes he has good values, he has a healthy respect for women, and he is courteous towards the elderly and the infirmed. Overall, Sheldon is a good guy.

colored girls coloured
Sheldon Whittneir seen at a local nightclub with Tessa Wright (left) and Bobbi Levington.

But last week when he brought his friend Tessa Wright over to meet his parents, his mother reacted with shock and disdain.

"I don't want my Sheldon dating no coloured girls," exclaimed Edith Whittneir, 58. "There are enough blondes, brunettes, and redheads in the city for him to associate with."

Sheldon was completely embarrassed by his mother's reaction.


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Monkeys Love Porn
News Bite
ON THE INTERNET-- It was recently published in the news that monkeys would be willing to pay for pornographic material.

Studies were done that showed evidence that monkeys responded to certain erotic stimuli, and that if a monkey had money, he would spend it on porn.

I guess the old adage holds true: "If you peel a banana for a monkey, he will eat for a day. But if you teach a monkey how to surf the Internet, he will find his own peelers."

 
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