New pornographic display terminals help passengers to pass time while flights are delayed.

Pornographic Movies Help Soothe Flight Delays

CHICAGO, IL-- Delayed, cancelled, and rescheduled airline flights are unavoidable, but Chicago's O'Hare International Airport may have found a partial solution for tired and impatient passengers--porn.

The Department of Aviation recently authorized pornographic video screens to be installed alongside the flight information display systems. It is hoped that these new terminals will decrease the likelihood of stress when travelers' flights are inevitably delayed.

Betty and Veronica were always fighting over the rights to Archie's enormous cock

Riverdale's Redheaded Rogue Is Driving More Than A Jalopy

RIVERDALE-- I grew up reading Archie comics. When I was eight-years-old I would spend hours reading stack after stack of these illustrated tales, and I laughed and laughed at the antics of Archie and the gang. But when I became a teenager I started to question why the two hot Riverdale babes (Betty and Veronica) were interested in the freckled freak known as Archie. Why were they always competing for the attentions of this red-headed loser who never had a decent job, drove a piece-of-shit car, and had a permanent waffle-iron look to his hair?

Reggie, Archie's competitor in love, seemed to have the advantage in the war to win the affections of Betty and Veronica. Reggie had the flashy car, he wore stylish clothes, and he always had plenty to cash to spend on the ladies. Aside from being arrogant, and a bit of a prick, Reggie seemed to be the guy who had the most to offer.

Joliette gives Henri a warm smile as he heads off to the market to buy lots of wine.

Ooh La La!

TOULONS, FRANCE-- Henri Aubin is expected to be home early tonight, as his wife Joliette has promised that he will "get some" if he brings back plenty of wine.

Although Henri likes to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning playing petonque, a variant of bocci, and drinking pastis with "les gars", marital duties often force him home early.

"My Jolie is very, very passionate," says Henri. "She cannot get enough of me. Sometimes I am almost too tired to go to work." Henri restores antique furniture for Alain Dufresne, who owns a shop in town.

Rey Torrez shows off a box of fudge that he packed.

This Packer Wants To Know What's Wrong With Fudge

AT THE FUDGE FACTORY-- Rey Torrez works for the Tasty Treat Fudge Factory, a leader in fudge, almond bark, and marzipan. Rey, 38, works in the shipping department as a packer of fudge, and fudge-related products.

Yes, I am a packer--of fudge," said Rey proudly. "I take the fudge, put it in boxes, and ship it out to customers. In fact, I've been boxing up chocolate, double chocolate, and maple nut fudges since 1998, when I first got hired on by Tasty Treat."

Rey doesn't mind the work. The wage is fair, the benefits are decent, and the working conditions are alright. He works regular hours, gets sick-leave, and is even given three weeks of paid vacation per year.