Is The Thing Always Rock Hard?
Like many kids of my generation, I grew up reading Marvel comics, and the adventures of Spiderman, Captain America, and the X-Men. But for me, The Fantastic Four was the most popular superhero comic book series of all. And although they”ve been around for over four decades, the adventures of this incredible quartet of cosmic-ray radiated crimefighters continues to delight youngsters to this day.
But since I was a young woman, I”ve have a few curious questions about Ben Grimm, the rocky orange mutated superhero known as The Thing. Specifically, I”ve always wanted to know what”s underneath Ben”s tight blue shorts.
Forgetting the myths that superheros don”t have sex or go to the bathroom, you can imagine how fantastic a lover The Thing must be, a superhero who not only possesses superhuman strength and stamina, but must be packing a super package in his pants.
Yes, I realize he”s only a comic book character, but I can still have questions about The Thing”s thingy and his fantastic foreskin.
I know The Thing is so tough he can piss pebbles and shit bricks, but how does he get his rocks off? Is it possible for him to have sex with normal women, or does he walk around all day with a stone boner? Because of his mutation, does he suffer from a sort of permanent priapism, brought on by his petrified penis?
It”s true that The Thing character never seems happy in The Fantastic Four stories, and perhaps it”s because of an unsatisfying love life, and prolonged erections. Did he have other outlets for his own gratification? It makes you wonder why he was always be wandering around in public wearing a trench coat, hat, and glasses.
I know that in the comic strips Ben Grimm had a blind girlfriend named Alicia, but did she love Ben for who we has, or was she fascinated with his lava rock cock?
I don”t think Stan Lee had these things in mind when he created the rocky-hided hero, but it still makes you think.
I”m no superhero psychologist, but maybe The Thing would be a happier character if he didn”t worry about his looks so much, and spent more “clobberin” time” in the bedroom.
Biting Satire is humor and parody with teeth! Please understand that this humor satire article about The Thing and The Fantastic Four is fictitious, and only intended for entertainment purposes. Copyright Biting Satire (this year).